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Social Dynamics II – Exercises and last tips

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Social Dynamics II – Exercises and last tips

A few days ago I wrote a text entitled ” Some tips on social dynamics … or how to be more sociable ” where I gave some tips and things to keep in mind to build an interesting personality and improve our social relationships in every way. At the request of several people, today I bring you the same tips in a more explained way and with some practical exercises to develop this.
While the exercises often seem either silly or simple; they are worth trying since it is not the same to think about the exercise than to dare to do it; especially those that are related to the issue of overcoming shame or shyness
1 – Congruence:
At the time I commented on the importance of being congruent between our external image and our internal image. There are certain social rules that are not implicit but must be followed as a form of communication. A simple two-part example.

A-We see a woman crying in the street dressed in normal clothes.
B-We see a woman dressed in black crying in the street; her face is covered by a veil of the same color.
Why is A crying and why is B crying?
In the case of A there may be 1001 reasons; in the case of B it is very simple … a family or someone close to them died. Do you see how many times we communicate with our image?
How to bring out our congruence?
Simple … practice, practice and practice. But let’s ask for some advice in passing. For example, first of all, our objective must always be clear, what do we want to communicate? After this we must then investigate how to communicate that in a congruent way.I remember that some time ago at an event a friend (or rather now, friend) asked me what I was working on; I told him that I was a publicist and a brief summary of my latest work. He told me that he had the image of a publicist; I even thought he was famous or something like that. BINGO!!! Just that I wanted to demonstrate; get attention that way. As I did? Simple, I had to see famous people; celebrities; people in the environment and trying to see how he could communicate that in a certain way without going to the extreme.
There is no basic rule to be congruent but rather to detect certain aspects that demonstrate that and be encouraged to achieve it.

Let’s think for example how to communicate that we are famous. So let’s describe a celebrity:
-They always attract attention.
-The media focus on their way of dressing and others.
-They always change their style or renew themselves.
-As they want to attract attention, they always look for new hairstyles to radical wardrobe changes.
-They wear clothes that the common people do not usually use.
-They are encouraged to wear even clothes that nobody would use !!!
-Almost always they try to communicate that they have a somewhat rebellious image; seductive; fun; many smiles; good humor and others.
-Without going to the extreme of attracting attention with the attitude; they tend to be charismatic or even use humor at all times and shouldn’t get mad at anything (publicly)

Is it understood then? It really is playing with style and a young man who used to only wear jeans and T-shirts for a long time! Today my closet has clothes of all styles. I usually like to wear a look in meetings that shows some seriousness; looseness; rebellion and style. For that a good pair of sneakers (but subtle) or a certain type of shoes (not loafers) a stylish jean; shirt and jacket.
But as always it all depends on the situation. My advice ; try to change the way you dress and wait for people’s comments; but try to make it external to the environment where we usually are; Friends and family do not count for much because they already know us too much and they know that it is not our style. Use the new social relationships to get the talk and try to understand how others see you.
Exercises:
– Analyze at a certain moment (for example going to a party) what type of image we want to represent. If possible, it should be a place where there are not many people who know us intimately. (For example a nightclub or bar)
– Analyze possible examples of dressing and behaving; You can see a famous person on TV. to a speaker giving a talk; to an entrepreneur or whatever they want.
– Try to assimilate that way of dressing; communicate and develop and copy it. For now it is to copy it, then we will have the cunning to develop it because we must be unique. Those who feel more confident can jump into the shot of one; this means behaving; dress and act as we think the person we want to communicate would behave.
Congruence manifests itself when our inner state is almost balanced with the outer side. If we dress in a certain way but we are not internally prepared, we are going to feel uncomfortable and there is incongruity.
2 – Magnetic Personality and Generating Interest:
When we talk about magnetic personality remember that we are talking about an INTERESTING person. Don’t forget that word INTEREST. In the middle of a talk, making a monologue is NOT interesting; talking up a storm is NOT interesting; being believed is NOT interesting.
So what is interesting?
Well, a simple phrase can be the best snack to be interesting. Yesterday at a barbecue at home with the neighbors, the topic of homosexuality came up as a debate talk. Quickly my brain searched through the files and found the following comment:

“Well, listen how interesting. We all begin to gestate with a female brain; If I remember correctly until the 7th week of gestation, where in truth our brain is defined as male or female ”
I don’t remember where I read or saw this; out there in Muy Interesante magazine or on the Discovery channel … but what does it matter, people were delighted with the comment and eager after knowing my opinion on the subject. Ready, a simple comment led to having everyone’s attention; now he was the owner of COMMUNICATION and could do what he wanted.
The secret to this then is to be INTERESTING . For that we must analyze the environment and there is no other possibility of having a good memory or even what we call “spark” (Interesting comments; immediate humor; etc.).
But then … What things are interesting? All those unusual things or that stand out from a topic. Why? Because communication is simply the transfer of a speech. Many times when we communicate or rather we talk about a topic what we do is say the same old thing but changing or adorning the speech; but if suddenly someone adds new information to the speech, it becomes more interesting because new information is added. It is the logic of the red ball … we have a box full of white balls, suddenly we see a red one; that’s the interesting little ball !!!

Magnetic personality and generating interest then go hand in hand. However, as a magnetic personality, beyond being interesting, we must not leave aside the typical things such as good customs; values; humor; sincerity; and any kind of action that shows that we have an interesting personality. Returning then to the topic of being interesting; This is the first step and we are going to see a simple exercise to generate interest.
Suppose we are with our group of friends talking about extreme sports; Suddenly one of them starts talking about how he is learning to climb mountains and tells us everything from A to Z. Bored then we thought about putting a comment. Which one do they consider correct?
A – How we learned to climb
B – Our vacation on Margarita Island
C- The time we were hanging from a mountain our rope broke.
Quickly analyzing we see that we are not in a position to change the subject to a foreign one because at that moment we do not dominate communication; therefore we discard option B. After analyzing everything we discover that option A, although it goes within the topic; does not contribute anything new because our friend already told everything about it; therefore option A is ruled out. We only have option C; the most interesting because it stays within the theme and brings something new and exciting to the talk. It may seem silly but many people tend to choose other options; even a part of his ego tends to choose option A because he thinks that is interesting. It may be, but there are more options than option C.

These kinds of things are what generate that magnetic personality; the person with this personality is the one who is usually branded as interesting; the one who should give advice or the person who makes others feel heard and always has a good comment to narrow down. You don’t necessarily have to talk a lot; although you can. The advantage of the magnetic personality is that it is a person who generates enough interest to attract others. It has qualities of being exciting when speaking; be charismatic and convey a lot when speaking.Possible Exercises:
– Try then in future meetings; chatting or hanging out with friends listening first rather than talking; After this, try to see a comment that is within the theme but that in turn leaves a bit of the general context of that talk by contributing something new. Try to test this with strangers especially; friends always for obvious reasons will not grant something of gratuitous interest; but not a complete stranger; maybe I heard us but that does not mean that we are interesting.
– As a family it is much simpler; in family gatherings there is a tendency to always bring up the same issues, for example which government was better. Then look for some interesting data and regardless of whether or not they participated in the topic; drop the comment and see the reaction of others.

– Something important to be interesting is to be an expert or professional in something. For example, I use magic many times in social relationships, in an event or party with friends I start to do tricks (a routine) and the effect it has on people is incredible; Suddenly all the strangers become public and at the end they are all delighted and extremely focused on the subject. Anyone can find a way to be interesting then in some way or another depending on the environment; obviously I don’t do magic in Uruguay Phone Number List meetings !!!
3 – Losing shyness and / or shame:
As I mentioned earlier, shyness or shame are related to the way we think that others will see us or what they will think of us in a certain situation. Even this is related to our level of congruence. If we are a crazy person we can do something crazy without being ashamed; now if we are quiet people; doing something crazy could be embarrassing.

The first factor to break with shyness or shame is precisely to encourage yourself to do it. Unfortunately this type of problem is the most difficult to face but it is the only option; Buck up. However, later on I am going to put some exercises that helped me a lot and in passing I will tell you a little story.
Do you remember the story of magic that I told in the first text on Social Dynamics? Well, in the middle of a meal, again my friend’s girlfriend asked me for a trick. I tried to be a bit sneaky because I didn’t feel like doing a routine, so I grabbed some cards and did a trick on her alone but in the end everyone got on with it. As it was a friend’s birthday, I decided to give her a few tricks as a gift; but as Tusam said, “it can fail” and it happened… a trick failed (just the first one) and I quickly had to improvise a new ending. Luckily no one noticed; all thanks to the fact that practicing magic helped me to break my shyness; shame and being quick in these situations. Magicians fail more than they imagine; but they have a way of coping that by not showing the fault; People do not realize. If where 2 cards come out, 4 should have come out… well… to improvise.That is why breaking shyness is a matter of practice and therefore leads to losing shame in certain aspects; Nowadays when we get together with friends and they ask me for magic tricks I already have a kind of armed routine; from the tricks to even the way of speaking and jokes. It became so automatic that it doesn’t do anything to me about it and I feel comfortable; Many times I even improvise comments or tricks at the moment I invent to see the new reactions of the public.

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I recommend everyone to see the possibility of getting into activities where we have to apply things like that since everything helps:
-Dances or dances: Dances in pairs such as salsa; It leads us not only to move in a better way and to put aside the wooden legs; but it also forces us to be in contact with a complete stranger. I remember when I started salsa classes it was strange to hug a complete stranger (ranging from 15 years to 50) and dance with that person. A few months later things  gulf email list changed; the person who felt ashamed was the one who was just beginning to dance with me because it was just something totally new.
but the important thing is that it leads us precisely to have to improvise a lot and detect profiles that we can later adopt. Later I show some interesting games to play.
-Magic or arts like that: In this case it helps us to further develop our personality; the magician must be a person who, apart from doing a trick, must not bore the public, cannot be silent or let the public disperse. Not to mention that the ability to seduce is developed; influence and charm people.
Possible Exercises:
-I recommend looking for improvisation exercises that are usually used in theater. I have a friend who studied theater and many times before going to dance or a party if we stayed at the house with a drink before going out (and since we were the most uninhibited of the group) we would play some games and then they would all turn on. I comment on some games
A – No, But and Why: The game consists of making a conversation between 2 or more people in the most coherent way possible without being able to mention the words NO, BUT and WHY.

B – 1, 2, 3 improper: Two people are separated but with their backs to each other, when one of them says “1,2,3 impro”; the two of them must turn around and do some action each without seeing what the other is doing. Instantly they must carry out a dialogue where these two actions are united and start a scene.
C – The door: A person enters a fictitious room through a door (which with actions must show where it opens or the type of door it is) when entering that room performs some action, opens the door, leaves and closes it. Another person enters the scene; you must open the door as it was communicated; and do another action in the invisible room. It should be noted that the previous action must be respected; if a person leaves a chair in the middle of the invisible room, we cannot pass it; we must move or dodge it. This is how the invisible room is formed with the people entering and leaving through the door.
It is best to practice them in groups of more than 5 people to learn to overcome shyness; shame and others first between acquaintances. You can Google many more improv or improv games and I highly recommend them.4 – Speak well:
There is nothing worse than a person who cannot be understood when he speaks; that does not modulate or that does not keep pace.
I remind you that talking is not only used to communicate or say something; Knowing how to speak well is often referred to as keeping the audience captivated; entertaining and just don’t lose your enthusiasm in what we say.
I always bring up the subject of magic since I just started studying magic for its benefits in terms of communication; in magic the true magic is in the words and stories that one tells the public ; that’s where all the effect actually takes place. That is why it is necessary to speak well. In the previous text I mentioned some things to keep in mind.
Possible Exercises:
-To learn to modulate there is an interesting exercise that consists of putting a pencil in the mouth not like we put a cigarette but rather on the side. With the pencil in your mouth, it is good to read a text aloud until you reach the point that is as understandable as possible. At first it is difficult because we have some facial and gesticulation muscles that we do not use much … then it becomes simpler.

To have a rich vocabulary a good exercise is to summarize books; texts; or whatever it is with our words and not with the author’s, the idea is to look for synonyms or even decorations or different expressions; in this way we build a new text with our words. For all this you must obviously have a good reading level or a dictionary at hand. This helps that we don’t repeat things with the same words all the time.
-If we want to project the voice, we must learn to speak with the stomach; This means that the air comes out as from our stomach, passes through our vocal cords and there the sound comes out. Many people expel the air through their nose and mouth (I think like when we pronounce the letter “N”). The problem with this is that our true voice does not come out. Also in theater they refer to projecting the voice saying “Talk to grandmother in the background” which means to speak as if our deaf grandmother were sitting at the back of the room. We don’t have to shout but TALK TO HIM. Something that works then is that whenever we speak in an auditorium we speak for the people behind everything (it is even better to the wall at the end of the room) in this way we make sure that everyone will listen and understand us.
To be exciting when we speak, we must vary the rhythm of our way of speaking; If we are going to say something exciting with the same rhythm as when we are just up and asleep in the morning, IT DOES NOT WORK. You have to be an “emotional roller coaster” when speaking; This means making people feel with our rhythm how excited they must be. In magic usually the moment the effect of the trick comes to light; the magician tends to get excited and amazed at his own trick and communicates it verbally, the audience therefore feels the same.

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